


Moonlighting

by rayofsonnshine



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 09:54:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11250717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rayofsonnshine/pseuds/rayofsonnshine
Summary: Carisi and Barba's relationship grows strained.It's the one year anniversary of Dodds' death.Barba gets a phone call and has to pick up his old job for one night. Will Carisi find out?





	Moonlighting

**Author's Note:**

> Thought this would be fun to write!! An AU in which Barba and Mike Dodds share one big thing in common with their actors!
> 
> So this was gonna be a super cute adorable Barisi fic but apparently I don't know how to write anything without making it angsty and sad. 
> 
> This fic is not connected to any of my other fics.
> 
> (I know Barba could never do this in real life but just pretend)

“One year ago today,” Lieutenant Olivia Benson begins. “We lost one of SVU’s greatest detectives. Mike Dodds was a brave, caring man who deserved a wonderful life, a life which was stolen—"

Barba tears himself away from the squad room and walks quickly towards the elevator, attempting to shield his face with his hand from passing officers.

A very worried Dominick Carisi Jr. stares after his boyfriend. 

***

“You were close to Dodds?”

Barba closes the door to his office. “It’s none of your business."

Carisi lifts Barba’s chin, forcing him to make eye contact. “It may not be, but will you tell me anyway?”

“It’s really not important, just drop it.” 

The detective looks down at him and smiles reassuringly. “I love you no matter what, Rafi.”

“I know.”

***

Barba throws his pen down on the table and buries his face in his hands. “God, Sonny, would you shut up already?” 

Carisi looks up from the dish he’s washing. “What, you don’t like my singing?”

“It’s not that I don’t like it, it’s just that it annoys the fuck out of me when I’m trying to work.”

The room is silent.

Carisi turns the faucet back on and keeps his mouth shut.

Barba rifles through his files and pulls out an excruciatingly long excerpt from a law book. He’s halfway through the second page before he realizes he hasn’t paid attention to a single word. Guilt overrides frustration and he catches the detective’s eye.

“Sorry.”

Carisi throws his dishtowel over his shoulder. “It’s fine.”

“Your voice is—“ Barba searches for the right word. “It’s nice.”

Carisi snorts. “Tell that to my sisters; they say I sound like a dying cat.”

“That's rude."

“Yeah, but they’re usually right,” Carisi sits down across from Barba.

“What, you don’t believe me?”

“I mean, c’mon Rafi, what do you know about singing?”

Barba opens his mouth to say something, but stops himself. He glances back down at his papers. 

Carisi grins. “What were you going to say?”

“Nothing, alright? Christ, let me work.”

“Rafi. Rafi, c’mon. Rafi,” Carisi pokes him in the shoulder. “What were you going to—"

Barba holds up a hand, silencing him. “I promise it’s nothing. I need to finish this.”

“No, no, you almost said something. What was it?”

“I was just going to say I can’t sing for shit. Now go bug someone else.”

Carisi looks at him, concerned. “You work too much. Hey, tonight, you should come with me and Amanda—“

“Can’t. Too much work.”

“Alright.”

It’s quiet for a moment. 

“Well, Lieu wanted me to come to work early today, so I'd better go.” 

Barba grunts indifferently.

Hurt, Carisi steps outside of Barba’s apartment. “Bye.”

No response.

The door closes, submerging the frazzled-looking lawyer in complete silence. No off-pitch singing, no faucets running. No nothing.

Somehow, that’s even worse.

Barba turns back towards his work, but finds his eyes straying to the door every so often, half expecting to see Carisi walk back inside.

Carisi doesn’t.

The silence ebbs away at the strained lawyer for a moment before his phone goes off across the room. He walks over to it and can’t help but feel disappointed when the caller ID is not that of his boyfriend.

“Hello?”

“Rafael, we need your help.”

The voice on the other end of the line begins speaking frantically. Barba nods after a moment, sighing loudly.

“I’ll do it. One night only.”

The voice thanks him profusely and hangs up, leaving Barba leaning against a wall, trying to make sense of what just happened. He curses loudly and picks up his phone again.

“Liv? Sorry, I’ve gotta work from home today. This case is slowly killing me.”

He hangs up, grabs his coat and slams his apartment door.

***

Carisi and Amanda sit in a freezing patrol car, waiting for a suspect. 

“I told you Barba would say no, when does he ever want to do anything?”

“Yeah, well, I thought this time would be different."

Amanda rubs her gloved hands together. “He's just like that sometimes. Always has been.”

“I figured it’d be different since we’re—“ He hesitates.

“Since we’re what?"

“Since we’ve been working together more.”

“You already passed the bar, why are you hanging around him so much?”

Carisi shrugs.

“I swear to God, if this guy doesn’t come out of this fucking brownstone in the next 30 seconds, I will go in there and drag him out myself,” Amanda mutters.

Carisi steps out of the car.

“I was kidding, Carisi. Christ, get back in the car, you’re letting the cold air in.”

“Sorry, sorry.”

“I still have a third ticket for tonight. I’ll ask Fin if he wants to go with us.”

***

Fin leads Carisi away from the ticket booth by the shoulder.

“I’ve been to so many broadway shows, and every time I’ve been thoroughly disappointed,” Carisi rants. “All I’m saying is that they could make millions selling popcorn and shit.”

Rollins smiles. “Calm down, I don’t want to get kicked out before the show even starts.”

The three find their seats, towards the front on the left side. Lights flash in the theatre, and the chatter ceases. 

“Amanda,” Carisi whispers. “What’s the name of the musical again? I think I left my playbill at the ticket counter.”

“You’re hopeless.”

Fin shushes the pair as a stage light illuminates a man carrying a briefcase. 

“I was in love once. Not everyone with a mug like mine can find love at all,” he drops the briefcase and sits down, a single stage light illuminating him. 

After a long monologue, Carisi decides that he's not a fan of this musical. Though Amanda and Fin seem to be enjoying it, Carisi can’t seem to pay attention.

Another man runs onto the stage, fake blood oozing from his shoulder. Fin laughs. “That looks really fake.”

Amanda leans across Carisi, grinning at Fin. “That much blood for a shoulder wound? You’re kidding.” She looks up at Carisi, who is staring up at the stage, totally not listening.

“Carisi?”

“Sssh,” Carisi murmurs. They both turn back towards the stage as the bleeding man begins singing.

Meanwhile, Carisi’s mind is racing. "He's sorta hot,” He murmurs to himself.

Amanda turns back towards him. “What?”

“Nothing,” Carisi says hastily. Hot? Well, at least he probably was under all the stage makeup. And his voice isn't half-bad either. 

The man’s singing something about—well, Carisi can't quite tell—he's too busy staring at the actor’s face. It’s somewhat familiar, but under all the stage makeup, it’s too hard to tell who it could be.

The show continues, though Carisi is hardly paying attention; he’s just trying to figure out where he knows the actor from. 

“Amanda, do you have the playbill? I think I know this guy from somewhere.”

Amanda digs through her purse for a moment before turning to him. “I can’t find mine, either. Just watch the damn play.”

The plot of the show, Carisi supposes, is not very original. It’s a murder mystery, and the mysterious man plays one of the witnesses. Right before intermission, he has a solo.

He steps up to center-stage, dressed in a tuxedo stained with blood. He opens his mouth and begins singing once more, this time a powerful ballad. Carisi finds himself entranced by the music, and by the man. He collapses dramatically, singing on his knees until the stage lights go off, signaling an intermission. 

“That was a great first act,” Fin says, stretching. “Better than I thought it’d be.”

“You don’t happen to know the name of that actor, do you?”

Fin shrugs. “The character’s name is Antoine, that’s all I know.”

“Damn. He really looks familiar. Sounds familiar too.”

Amanda grabs his wrist. “You’re always so paranoid about everything. Carisi, we take you out for one night and you’re not having fun. Please, lighten up.”

They talk for a moment before sitting down again.

“I swear he looks like someone I know.”

“Well, do you know any broadway actors?” Amanda asks sarcastically.

“Nope.”

The lights turn off again, and the scene opens to the mysterious man, lying on the ground, clutching a prop knife and covered in blood.

“I’ve killed again!” He shouts frantically and runs offstage. 

The play continues as a group of 1940s police officers survey the scene of the crime. The man from the beginning of the musical, dressed in a suit reminiscent of Sherlock Holmes parades onstage, brandishing the mysterious man’s handkerchief, covered in blood. “It’s Antoine, the witness to the original murder!” He cries, brandishing the bloodied piece of cloth in the air like a flag.

“I wish our cases were that easy,” Amanda mutters.

The man appears on stage again, this time on the run from the police. He hides behind a series of crates as a group of police officers rush past. 

“I need to escape from this world, this world I have been cursed to live in,” the man sings, brandishing a bloodied knife. “May God have mercy on my soul!“ he practically screams into his microphone before stabbing himself in the chest with the prop knife. He falls to the ground, elaborate spurts of fake blood spraying everywhere. 

The curtains close, and the audience claps. 

Carisi, Amanda and Fin stand up and leave the theatre. 

“Disappointing ending,” Amanda comments. “What’d you think?”

“I don’t know. I liked the songs.”

“I’ve got to get home,” Fin says. “My son needs to be picked up from the airport, but thank you both.” He hails a taxi, leaving Amanda and Carisi to stand uncomfortably outside of the theatre. 

“Is there something you want to tell me? You seem tense.” Amanda says, watching cars pass. 

Carisi leans against the brick wall, staring up at the sky. “Yeah, uh, kind of. Well, I need to ask for advice.”

“About what?”

Carisi pauses, unsure how to phrase his next sentence, though he’d gone over this exact conversation about a hundred times in his head. “Well, let’s say, hypothetically, I’m in a relationship with someone who doesn’t seem passionate anymore. What can I do?”

Amanda pauses, looking up at him. “Do you love him?”

Carisi nods.

“Then tell Barba how you feel.”

Carisi glances at her, slightly shocked. “You…you knew?”

Amanda nods. “How long has it been? 3 months?”

“Yeah, just about.” Carisi says, his heart beating out of his chest.

“Talk to him. Everything will work out.” 

Carisi remains silent.

“I’m proud of you,” Amanda hugs him. 

Carisi accepts the hug. “How could you tell? About me and Barba?”

“I’m your friend.”

“Oh yeah,” Carisi says. “Wait, what’s that supposed to mean? That doesn’t explain—“

Amanda holds her hand up. “I’ll tell you later. I’ve gotta get home and relieve my babysitter. It’s late. Go home.”

Carisi watches her leave before staring back up at the sky, deep in thought.

***

Carisi’s key slides into the lock of his apartment. “Rafi? You still here?”

No reply. He notices that Barba's papers were in the exact position they were when he left.

“Rafi?”

He shrugs and gets undressed. Carisi slips into bed and reaches for his phone. No new messages from Barba. He puts his phone on the bedside table and dozes off.

*** 

Barba opens the door to his boyfriend’s apartment as quietly as he could. He walks over to the kitchen counter and starts boiling water for coffee before going over to his bedroom. 

He pushes the door open quietly, cringing slightly at the creak.

Carisi was sprawled out on the bed, weak sunlight illuminating his back and his hair.

“Sonny,” he murmurs, gently nudging him. “Sonny, wake up.”

Sonny opens his eyes blearily and smiles at Barba, dressed in his usual suit and tie, sitting at the edge of his bed.

“Well don’t you look nice today?” he murmurs sleepily. 

“I brought you this,” Barba hands him a paper bag. “I’m making coffee, so don’t eat it yet.”

Carisi opens the bag and grins, taking out a croissant. “Thanks.”

Barba smiles back at him. “I figured it was my turn to make breakfast. Sorry for being such a—“ he searches for the right word.

“A dickhead?” Carisi finishes.

“Yeah. I'm sorry."

“It’s fine.”

Barba leaves for a few moments, leaving Carisi to nibble the croissant until he returns, clutching two mugs of black coffee.

“Drink.”

Carisi obliges, taking a small sip. “Why do you like your coffee so strong? It tastes awful.”

Barba replies by kissing him lightly. After a moment, he pulls away.

“Damn,” Carisi says, trying and failing to repress a smile. “Why are you in such a good mood?”

Barba shrugs, humming something under his breath.

Carisi takes another sip from his coffee. "How was work?"

Barba hesitates for a split second. "Exhausting."

They sit in silence for a while. Carisi sets his empty mug down on his bedside table.

"You still love me, right?"

Barba laughs, but quickly stops when he sees Carisi's face. "What do you mean, of course I do."

"Sometimes it doesn't feel that way."

Barba sits beside him on the bed, looking at him with worried eyes. "Sonny, I know I'm not the most...tender person, but don't you for a second think that I don't love you more than anything in the entire world."

Carisi pulls Barba into an embrace, which lasts for much too long. 

"Let me get you some more coffee," Barba tries to stand up but is caught by a kiss. "Sonny, please," he smiles, finally standing up.

"What? It's not my fault you're so fucking hot."

Barba rolls his eyes and heads back to the kitchen to refill their mugs with coffee. 

"Here you go," Barba hands him back his mug. As Carisi sips his coffee, Barba begins to hum something, louder this time. 

Carisi nearly spits out his coffee. "Rafi, how do you know that song?"

"What song? You know I can't sing," Barba says defensively.

Carisi's eyes widen. "Hum it again."

"Hum what again? I wasn't even--"

"Hum. It. Again."

Barba hums the tune again. 

"You'll never guess where I was last night," Carisi grins. 

Barba lets out a sigh of relief at the change in subject, misreading Carisi's smile as one of delight instead of malice. 

"Where were you?" Barba asks absentmindedly, checking his phone. 

"Fin, Amanda and I went to see a broadway play."

Barba's eyes dart up from his phone. "Oh, did you?"

"Shame you didn't come with us, Rafi. Or should I say, Antoine."

Barba rolls his eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"Nice try. I'm a detective, remember?"

Barba sighs. "Alright, alright. Don't act so cocky. It was about time someone found out."

"I can't believe it, my boyfriend is a broadway actor," Carisi says, excited. "I knew I recognized you from somewhere!"

"That's why I quit in the first place. I came back to do one show last night. They needed someone last minute, there was an accident during rehearsal yesterday morning. I haven't performed for almost two years."

"How do you balance doing broadway and being a lawyer? And being my boyfriend? That's a lot of shit to keep up with." 

"I couldn't. But do you know who could?"

Carisi shakes his head. 

Barba's face falls. "When he showed up on his first day, I had to pretend like I didn't know him."

"What?" Carisi asks, still giddy about his correct guess. 

"The day he..." Barba pauses. "It was hard."

"Wait, hold on, what are you talking about?" Carisi asks, throwing his arm over Barba's shoulder. 

"Mike Dodds and I acted on broadway together years ago. When he died, I pretended it didn't happen, so I could keep focus on my work. Hearing Liv talk about him, and performing again..."

Suddenly Barba is choked up, tears running down his cheeks. His bottled-up emotions were spilling out, and Carisi was entirely unprepared. 

"Woah, woah, it's okay," Carisi says, hugging Rafael tightly, knowing full well it was not entirely okay. 

"Hearing that he died was like a sledgehammer to the chest. It hurt. I kept it all inside for so long, I'm just now realizing that--that he's gone," Barba lets out a gasping sob, something Carisi had never seen him do. 

"Christ, Rafi, it'll be okay. You're okay, let's calm down." He allows Barba to put his head on his shoulder. 

"Rafi... I'm sorry."

There they were; an ADA who moonlights as a broadway actor, crying softly and his boyfriend, who's doing his best to console him. 

They sit in bed together, each engrossed in memories. The smell of coffee and pastries hangs overhead, and morning light shines through the window. 

Carisi wipes a tear from Barba's face. "I love you."

Barba smiles sadly. "I know."


End file.
